Pride, Respect and Prejudice.

 Last night my son and his classmates were giving their first performance. It is a big deal for them and parents because well we’ve had covid, and they are moving from primary to middle school plus this is today’s world so we all believe that our kids are special, gifted, the best or if one is to be brutally honest, we believe we are all that because aren’t kids a reflection of their parents? We brought these kids into the world and are raising them so! but let’s pretend we are modest and it is about them!

So, in typical fashion, I plan God laughs mixed with  I am a“Mère indigne” : Yesterday was one of those, I had 2 major appointments that I had booked in January and was not going to cancel for anything in the world, son had rehearsal plus play, we needed to do his registration for middle school, daughter had dance … Marathon!

But we’s Kenyan, so you know we are marathon runners- Hi Nyashinski!

Run we did, and depending on how one looks at things we won, or almost did. At about 6.15pm when we were about to go out and have a well-deserved meal somewhere near the Theatre, we realized that he didn’t have our tickets. He had been ill/at home for a week so he probably missed that, I don’t know It doesn’t matter. We left, they wanted Tacos. Mexican Tacos not Kebab!😋 But when we got there the stand was closed so we rushed to the nearest joint and ordered  for food. Service was slow. This is France after all! He had his entrée and dessert; Samosas, a drink and some Ice cream then rushed to prepare for the show.

Moving on, I joined some wonderful people as we waited for the doors to open, they confirmed to me that their kids had brought the tickets home. I wasn’t worried they’d let me in. I mean, who’d just leave their house to go watch a bunch of kids …wait there are psychos out there. this could happen.

 I walked up to the security guy; I could see the guys on the queue already getting antsy because they assumed that I was jumping the line. Hilarious really! We agreed on the way forward.  A few minutes later, I was directed to one of the organizers and she gave me our seat numbers in French /ʒ/ 4 et 2. I still struggle with French g and j. Just so you know I also struggle with left and right but that isn’t the point, I asked her “sorry /ʒ/ as in Jay? “

“Yes!”

We laughed about it and I moved on.

That was the introduction.

We got in and told the usher that we didn’t have our tickets but our seats are J 2 and 4. He accompanied us. All’s well, right? Wrong!

I asked my Nubian princess which of the two seats she prefers. It was noisy as one would expect, guys were happy, our first event this year, the end and beginning of a cycle, masks, so much going on. So, I didn’t notice the lady near us who seemed to be having a fit. My daughter did.

“Mum I think she’s…”

I turned and this lady started or continued to aggressively shout “No! No! No! You Don’t… “

I didn’t hear the rest. She also tried to instruct her kids to, I believe, stop us from taking the seats before jumping up with her sweater or something then shooing me and Nubian princess away!

I looked at her, held my daughter’s hand and went out. I calmly asked the organizer to reconfirm my seat number, she suggested that we get another seat. We sat at the back.  I probably should have reacted, but I didn't.  That chip on the shoulder also known as the angry black uncivilized woman label would fly high.

I have a reputation, they say I am patient, almost always unfazed. I don’t believe it. I have my father’s vice; Still waters run deep, his virtue never letting your emotions rule and more importantly avoid raising your voice also known as self-control. Our collective fear, “If I start there will be no end or my kids will have to be raised by another and I am not about to give you that!”

Anger management! So, what do we do? We choose our battles, because it always gets bloody when the gloves come off! Ps this is nothing to be proud of.

See I don’t know this person, she could stand in front of me today and I wouldn’t recognize her and vice versa. But I can bet you my last coin she was intentionally disrespectful.

I have been around such people for the longest time. My daughter wasn’t amused when we got seated at the back and she couldn’t see much nor hear she reminded me that I should have asked for front seats. I let her sit on my laps and then told her why it wasn’t worth getting into. She kissed me. So, French! Seriously, she got it. She shouldn’t. This is not a conversation I should be having with an 8year old. 

Now this took me back to two incidents

She was about 5, we went to this store, one of those that people look down upon but when lucky one can get good stuff at an affordable rate. For years I’d go there for good wine. I also liked it for another reason, when there, you take your time, chat with other shoppers, someone will probably tap your shoulder and tell you what’s good this week, or give a polite opinion of something you seem interested in or they suppose you should be etc. Human touch but the messiest joint ever!

This day her teachers were on strike so I took her along. I got my stash went to pay, found the cashier chatting her friend, I wasn’t in a rush. You can’t go there when in a rush. Now she must have been on for eternity, I know because I literally scrolled my TL plus my daughter got bored or as she used to say boring. I decided to keep her busy. Showed her a toy or something she’d picked, we started to talk about it and she decided that she had a change of heart she wanted something else, I told her to go pick it…I then informed the good lady that we would not be taking item A we’d be taking item B. By this time 4-5 people were waiting in line.

This lady just started to insult me, she told me I was poor and I should learn to hide my misery etc etc. Lady behind me told her to stop being rude, which I think only served to embolden her. She now started the racist isht and daring me to react. Now interestingly she was checking my stuff out while speaking. Everyone got involved, I believe one person went to get the manager, they came back with another worker, the lovely co worker apologized and took over. Almost no word from me. The “insultor” was not letting things go. She was now shouting at me. I just shook my head. I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction. I took my stuff to the car, buckled my daughter up, gave her some picture book and her toy then  I walked back into the store and calmly asked Ms big mouth to repeat what she had been saying. She couldn’t open her mouth. She ran and stood behind someone. No, I wasn’t going to whoop her ass! The manager came, did his thing. She had received her termination letter and had decided to take it out on me. I was cool about it. I get why she chose me. I told them the next person might not be cool like J.

She knew nothing about me, she chose me because she assumed she could intimidate me and get away with it. Disrespect!

 

Gym 2011. It could happen, forget my gym card at home or once in a while I’d have an hour or 2 free when the son was asleep or a client had bounced and he was at the sitter…so basically show up without my card. This might have happened 4 times in 6 months. They’d just check me in using my ID card or not. Kid’s dad would almost never go in with his card he’d almost never need to show his ID card. Fair enough. So, this day after a 3-month hiatus we go in together, miraculously he had his card and I didn’t have mine. He walked in and I was held back by this guy. He asked for my card. I informed him that I didn’t have it on me, gave my name he told me that I would have to pay for a new card. He went ahead and informed me that surely 10eur isn’t much and I should stop giving him grief bla bla bla.  I stood there in disbelief but this man just kept getting bolder and bolder. He was now raising his voice. I asked him to lower it and change his tone. He told me he would do whatever the f he wanted to. No, I did not keep my cool. I also cancelled my subscription and got a refund.

I have a reputation, I am patient, almost always unfazed. I don’t believe in it. I believe it is my father’s vice. Still water running deep. My father’s virtue never let your emotions rule and more importantly avoid raising your voice.

There’s more where these came from.

"L'effet bouc émissaire”.

I deal and have dealt with these things for the better part of my life. I have been disrespected over and over by people who are driven by God knows what  and he ain’t talking!  

One might say, J that’s pushing it. It isn’t.  If this lady viewed me as a peer, if she had a little bit of respect for me and my child. She would have started with a “hi, I am sorry but these seats are taken…” We would have had a conversation. But for some reason that I honestly don’t want to know, I and my Nubian princess were not worth that in her eyes. 

 Same thing for Gym guy as for shop lady…that one’s issues were too many!

 Men are respectable only as they respect!

Still we rise